Feelings, Relationship, Uncategorized

Feelings are Fleeting

It’s very possible to not entirely understand someone even after being together for a long period of time. One day you can read them like a book, next day you start questioning yourself why on earth did you even want to deal with this confusing human being in the first place. Understanding someone does take time, but time alone can’t be used as the only tool to measure how deep you understand someone. To some extent, indeed time can help you develop the sense of conformity and familiarity with that person, which sometimes can feel the same as understanding them. But to me, people are like bottomless pit, and no matter how long you’ve been with them there might always be something about them that you can’t quite fathom.

I’m a difficult person to understand. One day you could feel how much I care about you and the next day you’d start questioning what you possibly did wrong to me that made me push you away out of the blue. I’m unpredictable and unexpected. I’m not good at expressing my emotion, sometimes I doubt that I even possess it. My fears are somewhat irrational. My feelings for someone tend to change easily, no matter how strong they may appear to be. Sometimes I couldn’t get you off my mind. Sometimes I’m not sure if I ever really like you in the first place. Small things can completely change my mind about something. But hey, feelings are fleeting, they come and go, right? Right? It’s okay if you don’t feel the certain amount of love for someone like you did yesterday. It’s okay if the things that your partner did caused a momentary hesitation, making you wonder whether you should just end things right away or just stay.

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But you, you managed to understand me. At least I think so. We don’t speak the same language about almost everything but you still managed to understand me. At least that’s what I love to believe. I know you’re also a difficult person to understand. You’re a combination of perfectionist and idealist. You want things to work in a certain way. You keep seeking for better options, even when you already had me. Sometimes you came off as ungrateful. One day you said you’re scared of losing me, and the next day you acted as if you never cared about me at all. You hated me for being emotionless but you’re mad at me for showing a bit of jealousy. You made things went awry. You reminded me that feelings are fleeting.

But most importantly, you stayed. Thank you for that. You stayed for a quite long period of time in my life, for whatever reason. I’m bad at keeping relationship, but you stayed. It’s a good thing. It’s a good thing even though it eventually had to come to an end. I don’t regret it. You enriched my journey with your presence. You made me feel loved. I loved you. You’re one of those special people who shaped me into the person that I am today. And I do hope that I also leave a possitive impact in your life, no matter how tiny and insignificant it might seem. Maybe we both can hardly feel the love that once we shared. But the memories we made can’t be easily erased.

It doesn’t really matter whether the feeling is still there or has entirely vanished. All that matters is that I still want the best things for you. I want you to always be happy and healthy, to be successful in your passions, to achieve what you want to achieve, and to live the life you always dream of. Those are my wishes for you on your birthday. Hey, happy birthday. Today you’re 24. Time flies so fast. It’s been 4 years since the first time I said happy birthday to you. I know we never really celebrated our birthdays since it has never been our tradition to do that. You said you didn’t care about it. Me neither. No, not about you or your birthday, but the birthday celebration itself. I, however, still care about you, or I wouldn’t find it necessary to write this down for you.

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Feelings, Opinion, Uncategorized

When Your College Major is Being Looked Down Upon by Other People

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Final exam for 12th grade student is just around the corner. I can’t help but recollecting as much as memories of what I experienced in my last year of high school. Six years ago, I was a confused 12th grade student, not having any idea of what major that I’d choose in college. I used to say that I’d choose english literature just because english was one of the subjects that I was kind of doing good at, besides math. I hadn’t done enough research to get to know more of all majors available in my alma mater so my judgement was solely based on what subject that I was doing good at, not on what major that I was interested to learn more or to pursue a career in it. So I decided to gather as much as information of what major that my alma mater offered and discussed it with my dad. Long story short, I chose to study animal science.

When I thought my confusion was already cleared, some people came up with questions like “what are you going to do with that?” or worse, “why didn’t you chose a more popular major?”. I didn’t even bother to think of the answer though, but I knew what they meant when they asked me that. I mean, I’m not stupid enough to read between the lines. Is there anyone here who happened to experience the same thing, or am I just a little too sensitive?

When people knew that I studied in UGM, they’re like “wow that’s great!” but when they asked my major, they’re not as excited as they were before. It seems like there’s a general consensus that certain subjects at university are more respectable and often associated with smart students, and will yield a high salary upon graduation, which pretty much shows that a large portion of people who frequently asked me are much too focused on money and prestige. Well, it’s totally okay if high salary become your main factor in choosing your college major, I mean, in the end we try to earn money with our degree. But it’s never okay to look down upon other people’s major just because it’s less popular or not as prestigious as your major. Choosing a college major is not about choosing which one is more prestigious than the other. It’s about choosing what you have interest in and have a chance to develop yourself in it. Studying in college is not always about increasing knowledge. It’s also about sharpening your logical thinking.

Being a student of animal science, sometimes I can easily feel how some people look down upon my major because they think it’s not a difficult subject, or even why it really matters, and assuming that all I do is just raising cattle and feeding them. Well people always assume about everything the same way they assume that art and design students is just about painting nice picture or selling their paintings. But you know, that’s just one of many, many options. Like animal science, it’s not just about raising cattle and producing beef and milk. The source of fat and protein that we eat on daily basis are pretty much the products of animal science. Where do you think all the milk, eggs, cheese, steak, corned beef, sausage that you consume on your daily life come from?

I believe that every major has its own challenge and is equally important. That’s pretty insulting when people just look down upon other majors without really knowing about what others are learning. But unfortunately academic snobbery will always exist. Those who are quick to judge a subject that they have little to no understanding is a reflection of their own ignorance and close-mindedness.

Choosing a college major can be overwhelming especially when we’re already sold on the idea that the rest of our adult life is determined on that choice, but actually it’s not a life sentence. In fact, many graduates find jobs that have nothing to do with what they studied in college. You don’t only gain knowledge in college since you also developed your personal skill. In the end, why would you look down upon people’s degree or jobs when we’re all essensially just working to fulfill our needs and to pay our bills?

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Uncategorized

The Liebster Award

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Two months ago, Sunny Irene from suncafes nominated my blog for the Liebster Award. I’m sorry it took me so long to response to it since I wasn’t really sure whether I’d love to do this kind post or not. But seeing all her questions intrigued me to give it a try. This is the very first award that my blog has ever been nominated for, so thank you very much for choosing me to be one of the nominees. Make sure to check her blog as soon as you’re done reading this post. Before writing this post, I did a little research about this award and stumbled upon The Global Aussie blog. According to it, the Liebster Awards is an award given to bloggers by other bloggers to give other blogs more exposure to the internet. I just knew that there’s a winner of it (they said the winning blog would win a prize too, hmm sounds interesting). The rules of this award are:

  1. Acknowledge the blog who nominated you;
  2. Answer the 11 questions that your nominator has asked you;
  3. Nominate 11 other bloggers;
  4. Ask them 11 questions;
  5. Let them know that you have nominated them.

And here are my answers to her questions:

  1. How long have you been blogging? – I’ve been blogging on and off since high school, switching from one account to another, trying various platforms from blogspot to tumblr, and now to wordpress. But my current blog is my first blog that I take care quite seriously and it has been a year and three months, which is quite an accomplishment for me since my previous blogs only lasted for less than six months.
  2. What do you spend waaaay too much money on? – Foods (especially spicy chicken wings!!), makeups, and skincare. But mostly chicken wings because I’m hungry all the time and I eat like a horse.
  3. What is a fun fact about you? – It might sound stupid but I’m having difficulty in remembering routes and places. I wouldn’t be surprised if I couldn’t find my way back to the main road after going to my friend’s place –if it’s not located in the main road, even if I’ve visited it for more than three times. I can get a perfect GPA but I can’t be trusted to help you reach somewhere, unless you don’t mind to get lost with me. It can be pretty embarrassing sometimes. If anyone here have any tips for me please let me know.
  4. Where is a place you escape to? – Beach! Since my home is only 50 minutes away from the nearest beach.
  5. What is something you have been aiming to try or do but have not gotten around to it? – Learning to play drums! I hope I’m not old enough for this. As much as I love drummers (yeah I have drummer fettish), I’d love to be able to play it by myself –and meet the cool drummers as well! 😉
  6. Do you like your name? Why or why not? – Yes, I do. Very much. Despite the fact that million of people named Nadya as well. In Russian, it means hope. My friends believe that it has something to do with my bad habit that is giving false hope to some guys. And also, I love the definition of my name that I found on urbandictionary!kkkkkkk
  7. As you get older, what are you becoming more and more afraid of? – Sinking into oblivion and leading a rootless existence.
  8. Do you have a favorite sports team? – Ummm no, I don’t. I don’t really like sports either.
  9. You wake up suddenly in the night. What sound would be the scariest to hear after you realize you are awake? – The sound of dog’s late night barking. Many dog owners said that dogs could sense the supernatural so it’s kind of scared to imagine what kind of creature that it saw. But again, dogs will start barking at things that they find unusual so it doesn’t always mean there is a ghost or something. But I’m still scared, though.
  10. What is your favorite type of cuisine? – Indonesian food ❤
  11. Give a title for the current chapter of you life. – Self discovery

Now that I’m done answering 11 questions, it’s my turn to nominate 11 other blogs. I know not everyone likes to do this so it’s ok if you choose not to take it. And the nominees are:

Here are my questions for you:

  1. Why did you start blogging?
  2. How long have you been blogging and what has kept you going until now?
  3. Do you honestly read every post that you like?
  4. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
  5. What is one interesting fact about you?
  6. Do you want to be famous? Why or why not?
  7. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go and why?
  8. Do you have any hidden talents? If so, what?
  9. What’s your idea of a perfect date?
  10. What is your favorite way to relax?
  11. To what extent do you trust people?

I’m so sorry if any of you have been nominated before. Please let me know once you’ve answered my questions so I can check them out.

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Hobby, Uncategorized

A Little Bit of Something that I Love: Postcards and Handwritten Letters

I’ve always been interested to send letters since I was a kid. The curiousity grew from seeing rubik sabahat pena (penpals) on Bobo, a kid’s magazine that my mother bought for me. But I had to wait until I was in junior high school to actually start sending letters. I don’t know about you but finding a new letter on the mailbox is like a nice little surprise for me. Nothing beats the thrill of opening the mailbox and finding a letter, written and addressed just for me. I still remember when my dad’s friend sent a postcard from LA and I was so excited to read it and removed the stamp. I used to collect it, even though I wasn’t really a philately. To me, it’s quite saddening that years after that, letters carried by conventional postal service seemed to be left behind and replaced with modern technology like e-mail. Even nowadays, the post office staffs seem to find it weird every time I want to buy a stamp for my postcard, let alone seeing a fully decorated envelope that I use to send a letter to my penpal.

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Two years ago when I was hit by depression, I stayed away from some of my friends in real life and chose to engross myself in any activity –whatever that didn’t have anything to do with talking to my friends in real life– to keep my mind off the pain. So I started writing this blog, decorating my DIY planner, and writing letters and postcards again. Writing letters was and always will be very special to me for it always evokes pleasant feelings. And receiving a letter, especially a handwritten one, never fails to make me feel special in a way that I cannot explain. There’s something so personal and thoughtful about them. I mean, writing a letter takes time and shows effort that the sender makes in order to send them. What’s not to love about that? Where are these splendid treasures in the 21st century?

To find a penpal, I usually use penpalsnow and interpals. Or sometimes I just type “penpals” on Twitter’s explore tab to find much if not some tweets about people looking for penpals. I got a new penpal from Turkey by doing that trick. And for sending postcards, I signed myself up on postcrossing. If you haven’t heard it, postcrossing is a postcard exchange project that invites everyone to send and receive postcards from random places in the world. Real postcards with stamps on it! The idea is simple: for each postcard you send, you will receive one back from a random postcrosser from somewhere in the world. If this little information already sold you, the next thing you should do is to check out their website and sign yourself up. I’ve been a proud member of that community since January 2016. And I’ve received postcards from various countries, even from faraway countries whose name I’ve never heard before.

To me, the fun part of postcrossing is we don’t know who will send a postcard to us, so again it’s like a nice little surprise every time you find out that the postcard you’re reading apparently have travelled thousand miles away before it finally arrived at your mailbox. Last Christmas I received a lovely postcard from Belarus, which is 6,097 miles away from Indonesia. I never travelled that far in my life. Actually, I never really travelled to anywhere in my life. But through these letters and postcards, I can “meet” people whom I might not have the chance to meet in real life. I can meet someone with the same interest as me. I’m so grateful for every letters and postcards that I received for it has helped me to feel happy again. It’s so uplifting to support another and getting supported in return.

All of the pictures above were taken last year. Let me know if any of you are also a fan of postcrossing and snailmail! Maybe I can send you a postcard on your birthday 😉 ❤

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